I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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