I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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