hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
