I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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