capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Enjoy the penises
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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