While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize