Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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