Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
