I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize