Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
whose parrot is this?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
