Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
