I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
