I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And then he peed in my hair
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