Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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