sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
