I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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