Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
