Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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