i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
