Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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