now i know why i became what i already was.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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