My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
