btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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