After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
