you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
my liver is dry heaving
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
