In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
