you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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