you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize