the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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