does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize