i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
