I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
