yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
