I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
