I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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