Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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