Already got asked if we're dating
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
