I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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