Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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