its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
