He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
