He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
