how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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