i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
