We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize