yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
