did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
