what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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