Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Send help, water and tortillas.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
