Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
