id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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