Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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