my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
