Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
