Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
