I want you more than these girls want KFC
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
