we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
