A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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