I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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