My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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