we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
