So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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