Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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