So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
