He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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